Roughly translated, the pictures say: If you don't like the real me, then just choose a skin that you like, I'll act it out for you.
Pretending to be someone other people think you are instead of who you really are is going to kill you one day. Everyday day in day out showing others a mask that you made specially for them. It PISSES ME OFF.
It isn't because I don't care about you. Its because there are some things in this world that are completely out of my control, and just because I want something it doesn't mean that it is the right choice.
Yea, frankly, all I want to say is that I really hate relationships, or maybe I just hate talking to people. You can pour your bloody soul into making the other person happy, and just let yourself be ignored until the other person requires your services again. If you've read up to here, you probably can give me some advice: Why can't relationships be the same as sports, or work, or even studying? With a certain amount of effort, at least you will see some sort of result, it only depends on how you try or how you learn.
With relationships, everything can just crumble around you because of one misplaced word, one wrong gesture, and everything, really everything you've worked for over so many months can just come crashing down around you. I don't see how that is supposed to work. Its like saying: Oh, you know those gifts you gave him/her? They actually don't mean anything, and the time you spent doing stuff for them? Its community work, it just says that you are a really nice, kind and helpful person. Well, news flash for the uninitiated, this has been put through clinical trials countless times, the good guys DON'T get the girl in the end. You can always be there for the person but I can confirm this for you, there is nothing like putting all your time and energy into a hopeless relationship. You should try it sometime, you either end up suicidal or homicidal.
One can say that only an idiot can fall in love. That is absolutely true, that's why I never believed someone like me would ever like someone enough to fall for them. Its basically illogical and can't happen. It doesn't make sense. I am a utilitarian, whereby I will always make the decision that benefits the most the people concerned. There is absolutely no feasible way an individual like me can have sentimental feelings for someone else. But, what happens when the armour begins to crack, the roof begins to leak, and everything starts to fall apart?
You get dropped into a shithole you have never seen and probably never will see again. You can be abused, mistreated, but you'll only crawl back for more. Why? You can't get past the only friends barrier because your brain tells you that its not possible. It didn't make sense. It's not that you cannot go after the person, its because you know that nothing good will come of chasing the person. There's a saying that you can pretend to not see what you don't want to see, but you can't ignore what you feel about someone or stop thinking about the person. ITS NOT POSSIBLE, that's the thing Your heart tells you to do it, but your brain stops you, saying, no, its not possible. Nothing good will come of it. Just run. Shut them out. Ignore anything to do with them until you no longer like them. That is the path you should take, if you don't want to get hurt.
Yes, that is the best possible path to take, the utilitarian path, where the individual never gets hurt, just because he is too afraid to care about someone. Is it? Or is it natural selection? I don't know. Only being able to think logically and selecting the best path to take in any situation or scenario has been my only redeeming quality. But, sometimes I wish I was never born with this talent.
